I don't love you like yesterday

 .:Bismillahirahmanirahim:.

To the man I had loved, I want to start by saying I am sorry for giving up.

For walking away and for not being able to hold on any longer.

This decision was not easy and it is been tearing me apart inside.

You are someone I loved deeply, 

maybe even too much and all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.

I tried to understand, tried to be patient and give more of myself than I ever had before

but somewhere along away, 

I started to feel like I was just an option; like I was sharing your heart with someone else.

The pain. The silent. 

These all kind eats away at your soul, never truly went away. 

I smiled through the doubts, stayed through the heartbreak and loved through the uncertainty; thinking maybe one day you did see that I was the one who stayed when no one else did..

But love should never make someone feel second best.

I deserve to be chosen, to be loved fully without hesitation or competition.

I deserve a heart that beats only for me, arms that reach only for me and eyes that don't wonder when I am not looking.

I know you care about me in your own way, and I believe that you loved me too.

But the truth is.. 

Love without commitment, without honesty and without clarity is not enough. It leaves wounds that not easily heal.

I did not want to give up upon you but I am tired to keep giving all of me while I just only receive parts of you.

So, today..

I walk away not because I no longer love you, but because I do not want to hate myself. I want to love myself enough to know that I cannot keep being hurting by you like this.

I am chosing me eventhough it means to let go of someone who once I put the name in my du'a.

I hope one day you will understand the weight of what was lost and I hope you will find whatever your heart has been searching for.

Just to let you to know that the love I gave to you was real, sincere, honest and whole..

..and I am sorry if that still was not enough...

a.a